Reveals of Freya
by Vaelaa
Summary: Kinda inspired by InkFanatic and her Freylin love, I decided to publish here my stories from AO3 about reveals of Freya.
1. Day Off

\- Please, one day! - Merlin exclaimed, looking at Arthur.

\- Why? That you could spend the whole day in the tavern? - Arthur answered. He didn't see the point of this conversation, Merlin wanted a day off without reason. Probably he wanted to spend the whole day drinking ale. Ygh. Merlin really should stop with drinking.

\- Really, you can't give me one day off? I've never taken a day off since the moment I started working for you! - Merlin shouted, he really wanted that bloody day of. He couldn't tell a reason. Arthur wouldn't understand that. What Merlin didn't realize, that Uther entered the chamber when he was screaming at Arthur. He noticed Arthur's face, then he turned back and saw Uther.

He was in heavy shock.

He bowed his head.

\- My lord. - Merlin was always scared in the presence of the King. He had every reason to be scared.

\- Father. - Arthur greeted his father and rose from the chair.

\- What is going on...? - Uther asked, looking once at servant boy... Merlin he guessed, Gaius's boy. That was the only reason that he remembered his name, once at his son. This servant boy was too disobedient and too pert... but before he judged, he wanted to know the reason.

\- Nothing that you should bother, father... little conversation about a day off. - Arthur answered, looking at his father. He knew, that Merlin could be even wiped for this if his father had a bad day. Merlin was the lazy idiot, but he didn't deserve that, so he tried to pull him out of this mess.

\- Why do you want the day off? - Uther asked, looking at Merlin.

Merlin wondered what he should say... he couldn't avoid the answer like he was doing this with Arthur. He gulped and he decided to do the most stupid thing in his life. Or wait... no. there were some more stupid things he had done, but this was stupid too. Say the truth.

\- I... It's an anniversary of death of my beloved... I want to spend that day at her grave. - Merlin said with a heavy voice. Arthur was shocked by his answer. He expected some excuse "I need to help Gaius" or something like that. Not this! He wanted to say that he must be joking, but he saw Merlin's face and he knew that he was saying the truth. Uther looked at this son with mixed feelings. He knew that the boy was just a servant, but even he could understand that.

\- I didn't know... - Arthur said with weak voice.

There was silence in the room for a while. Everyone was thinking about something.

Arthur didn't know what to think, really. When did that happen? Well.. year ago, but why Merlin's never said something. He didn't even remember to see him sad, or depressed as he should be after the dead of someone he loved. Merlin and the girl?! That was something that he's never expected, and now he learns that his love of life is dead? Why has he never told him?!

Merlin was thinking, if this was a good idea, to tell the truth, he knew that Arthur and the rest will ask him many questions, questions that he couldn't give a clear answer. They couldn't know many things about him and Freya.

Freya... her wonderful name.

Merlin sighed to his own memories.

But Uther was wondering about something quite different and interesting at once.

\- I give you the day off.. but I have one question: You always seem to be cheerful and optimistic, how do you manage that? - Uther asked and surprised the rest. Merlin didn't even know that the King noticed him, not speaking about noticing his moods. Merlin gulped again before he gave the answer.

\- When everybody thinks that I'm a cheerful fool, and nobody knows about my lost... it is easy to pretend that I'm a cheerful fool. - He couldn't understand why he was saying the truth, but for the moment he felt some kind strange connection to the Uther. He knew that feeling. He did terrible things like Great Purge because that dark despair that fills the hole in the heart that was left after the dead of the beloved.

Arthur was more shocked if that was possible.

Uther waved his hand, suggesting Merlin that he is dismissed.

Merlin went in the direction of the doors, but he stopped and looked at Uther.

\- Does it... get easier? After the time? - Merlin looked at the king, he noticed, that Uther felt that strange feeling too... feeling that someone understand what do you feel. How it is like to feel that emptiness and despair at the same time. To feel every negative emotion in the world...

Uther wanted to say that it is getting easier after the time...

\- No. It doesn't. - He said with empty voice.

\- I thought so... - Merlin answered and he left the chamber.

* * *

Kinda inspired by InkFanatic and her Freylin love, I decided to publish here my stories from AO3 about reveals of Freya.

This concept is not original, I read something like this once in the past.


	2. With all my heart

\- You must travel to the Lake of Avalon. There will it's Lady waiting for you.. - Dochraid said with a scared voice.

Avalon? Lady of the Lake? Freya?! How... he will be given chance to see her again? But... there will be Arthur and Gwen.

Merlin in Dragoon form raised Excalibur to treat the old witch again.

\- It's that all? - He asked with a growl.

\- No, Emrys. The Queen must enter the Lake. Its waters hold the immortal power of Shide. Only their touch can heal her. Remember, Emrys, the Queen must enter the water willingly. If she is tricked, forced or beguiled, she will fall into the abyss and be lost forever. - Dochraid answered.

Merlin said nothing in return. He just left.

He will see Freya again, but he probably will not have a chance to talk to her, to touch her.

Blessing and the Curse.

\- What should we do at this Lake? - Arthur asked, looking at Gaius.

\- From what I know... this Lake has a Guardian, called the Lady of the Lake. Only she can save the Queen. - Gaius answered and looked briefly at Merlin. He knew that was hard for his ward, opening old wounds. Gaius had felt guilty in the past, he was one of the reasons why Freya was dead.

\- Can she be trusted? - Arthur asked, he didn't like the idea of using magic... but if this could save his wife. Last time he wanted to use magic, it killed his father, but he was already dying... Gwen is already on the bad way, what if the story will repeat itself? Arthur closed his eyes for a second, trying to focus on thinking if this was a good idea. He knew, that it was the only idea they had.

\- She knows your pain. She lost her love of life... I think that she can be trusted with the matter of love. - Gaius answered and Merlin froze, hearing this words. How could Gaius say something like this in his presence?! He closed his eyes with pain, which touched his body and very soul.

\- Very Well... We are going to leave tomorrow morning. - Arthur said and he left the room. Merlin gave his mentor a cold look and then he went to his room as well.

Freya... how could he talk to her, without revealing himself. He couldn't just watch her! If she will really be there, he must talk to her. He sacrificed so much... he didn't even have time to mourn because there was always treats to Camelot. Seeing her will be a blessing and he will talk to her... somehow.

In the morning, they drugged the Queen during the breakfast and they managed to take her off from Camelot, then they started to ride in direction of the Lake. Lake of ashes for him... it was one big grave for everybody that was close to him. It was always a pain to see that lake. It was the monument of his every failure. When they arrived on the shore... Freya was waiting for them. Merlin looked at her and gulped, something inside him wanted to run to her, hug her, kiss her... but then, Arthur spoke.

\- Are you the Lady of the Lake? - Arthur asked, looking at her.

\- Yes, I'm. And you are Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot. - She answered with a calm voice. She looked at Merlin, she wanted to reach to him, kiss him... ask him about strawberries, but she couldn't risk of revealing him. It was good to see him again, but it was painful at the same time.

\- Do you know why I'm here? - He asked, looking and strangely familiar woman. Merlin went to the King's horse and helped to put Queen on the ground, then Arthur stood to the ground too.

\- Yes, I do. - short answer, then she looked at the Queen, who was lying on the ground. - But I must warn you... I can summon the power, that will clear Queen's heart... but it will be you, who must reach it first. - She looked at Arthur.

\- What do you mean? - Arthur was unsure. He didn't know what the sorceress meant.

\- Queen must enter to lake willingly. Not tricked, not forced... You must reach the part of her heart that wasn't touched by the Witch influence. - Freya explained, looking at Arthur. Trying to focus on the important matter, but was her love unimportant? Really? In what kind of world they have to live if one love was more important than another? She knew that Merlin was staring at her... but he could allow doing so, Arthur wasn't looking at him... but she couldn't even look in his eyes again because that would be suspicious.

\- There is such part? - Arthur asked.

\- You underestimate the power of love... my king. - She answered with a small smile, looking briefly at Merlin, and then at the Queen.

\- I will wake up her... then, you have to convince her to enter the lake. If you don't manage that... she will be lost in the abyss forever. - Freya warned and then she came closer. Arthur gulped. The fate of his wife, of his queen, was in his hands. - Are you ready? - Freya asked and looked at King, who nodded.

\- Gielde ic thec thissa meowlessawole, gyden aeblaece. - Lady's eyes burned with gold and she stood back, Arthur knelt next to Gwen, who began to stir. Queen awakens, startled.

\- Where am I? What have you done to me? - Gwen asked, looking around and then at her husband.

\- You've been asleep for a long time. - Arthur answered, trying to reach her with his hand.

\- Get away from me! - Gwen tried to run away, but Arthur caught her arm and hold her strong, then he catches her second and tried to look into her eyes.

\- Guinevere. My Guinevere... - he started with a weak voice.

\- Your Guinevere? You stupid, foolish man. I was never yours and never will be. - she spat, looking at him with disgust. Freya stood next to Merlin, looking at him... it was only it that they were allowed, Freya must remain focused, but she wanted to kiss him so badly, tell him that she loves him so much. She looked at King and Queen, little warned.

\- You must reach her, Arthur. Reach out or all is lost. - She remanided him... like he didn't know that.

\- Who is she? - Gwen murmured and then looked at Arthur, trying to break out from his hands.

\- You loved me once. - King said.

\- You are easily fooled, Arthur. - Queen didn't deny that, but she couldn't agree either.

-: And still do. - Arthur continued stubbornly

\- It was a trick. Nothing more. A subterfuge to pass Camelot to its rightful Queen. - Gwen claimed.

\- I don't believe that. - and he never will. That was all Morgana. He had to fight for his love. He couldn't lose her too. If he lose her... he would lose everything. Morgana could take whole Camelot if she would want... because that would mean nothing to him.

\- Believe what you like. The fact remains. - She answered, struggling to free herself, but it was difficult to break Arthur's grasp. Arthur started to drag her to the Lake, he was run out of options, really... but then he heard Merlin's voice.

\- No Arthur! Remember... she must enter willingly. - he reminded him. Arthur looked briefly at him, and then he returned with his eyes to Gwen. He pulled her closer, that they were face to face.

\- Look at me. Tell me you don't love me. - He was so scared what she could answer.

\- Let me go! - She shouted. She didn't deny... that was a small light of hope.

\- Do you remember when I asked you to marry me? Do you remember what you said? You said, "With all my heart." That's what you said, Guinevere. That was no subterfuge. No trickery. - He remembered, looking at his wife. Freya looked at Merlin with a sad smile. They couldn't get married... they were separated forever, but the even sweet veil of death couldn't break their love. She touched gently his hand with her fingers. Melin froze... there was so much unsaid between them, and they couldn't draw attention and them. They looked at the royal couple. Queen stopped fighting, she was just staring at Arthur.

\- With all my heart. - Arthur said again, looking at Guinevere. - With all my heart. - he started walking toward the lake, still looking at his wife.

\- With all my heart... - Gwen answered with a soft voice, starting to walk to the lake with Arthur.

\- Come. - Arthur whispers to her, and they entered the lake. Then Freya came closer to the lake.

\- Yfel gaest, ga thu fram thisselichaman. Bith hire mod eft freo. Ar ond heofonutungol sceal thurhswithan. - Freya chanted and then bubbles of blue light started to fly around the Queen. After they fade, Gwen turned around and looked at Arthur with a smile, extending her hand to him. Arthur wades towards her and embraces her. Merlin looked at Freya and gripped her hand. She looked at him with surprise, but she smiled. They didn't have long, he had to take his hand away because Arthur and Gwen were coming to the shore.

Freya stood closer to her lake, Merlin had to stand with Gwen and Arthur... no matter how much we wanted to stay at her side.

\- I owe you a great debt. We both do. If there's ever anything I can do in return... - Arthur looked at the Lady of the lake. He couldn't believe that he was proposing something like this to the sorceress, but she helped him to take back his lovely Guinevere.

\- There are two things. - Freya said after a while.

\- We are listening. - Gwen answered with a smile, but Arthur teased, thinking what witch could want from them.

\- Remember what saved you. Magic and sorcery. - She said with a smile.

\- It was also sorcery that bewitched her. - Arthur remained.

\- There is no evil in sorcery, only in the hearts of men. Your sister choose to turn against her own... it just happened that she chose magic as her weapon. My request is that you remember this. - Freya answered, looking at Arthur. She wanted so badly to change Arthur's view on the magic... she wanted that Merlin could be free, live without fear, feeling like a monster. He deserved that.

\- I promise. - Arthur said he had to think more about it.

-...and the second one? - Gwen asked after a few seconds. Freya swallowed and nervously rubbed her hands.

\- Once... I was in Camelot. - she stared. - Before I died... - she was saying, but she was interrupted.

\- Are you dead? - Arthur asked with shock.

\- Yes... I died by your sword. - Freya answered with raised head. Arthur and Gwen were shocked. Merlin only looked sad. - I don't blame you... I was cursed. Death was a mercy for me. - She answered, looking at Arthur who was troubled. Why did she help them, if he had killed her?!

\- There was a boy, who wanted to save me. My impossible boy... who made me smile when I thought that I'm a monster. We wanted to run away, live in the place like this. - she looked at the lake with a sad smile, and then she looked at the royal couple. - He even stole that dress for me, for the disguise. - Freya laughed, looking in Merlin direction, but trying to don't draw the attention to him. Gwen looked at the dress, that was strangely familiar.

\- It was one of Morgana's dresses. - Gwen said, wondering.

\- My... I guessed that he stole it from some noble, but I'd never suspected. - she smiled. Gwen started to wonder when she saw that dress last time... but it was when Merlin... MERLIN!

\- Even when I was wounded, he didn't allow me to die in the dirty place in Camelot... he brought me here, it was raining and he troubled himself to bring me here, to let me die in place looking like my home. - she continued her story and then she looked at Arthur.

\- He still lives at the court... I can't tell you his name, I don't want to see him on the pyre for treason... but tell on the court, that I love him... I'd never chance to say it to him. - she rubbed her cheek to take off this one little traitorous tear which fell from her eye. Gwen looked at Merlin, connecting everything in the bigger picture. He looked so depressing.

\- I love you too... - Merlin answered loudly and walked toward her.

\- Merlin... you are putting yourself in danger. - Freya warned him.

\- I don't care. For once! I don't care. I have a chance to see you again... I won't waste it because of fear for my life... If Arthur decided to hang me... At least I will be united with you. - he whispered, but it was loud enough to Arthur and Gwen to hear. Arthur was in heavy shock, he just wanted to say that he is sorry for her tragical love story and promise her that he will say that to her lover... but he'd never suspected that was Merlin! He was still processing that what Merlin said... what.. why... why did Merlin think that Arthur would hang him?

\- You know that I don't want to see you at my side yet... you have to live. - Freya answered. Merlin took her hands and hold them.

\- Why the world is such unfair? - He said with depressed voice. - I miss you so badly. - he left one of her hands to touch her cheek. She smiled... she smiled like then, when he gave her that rose. Her beautiful smile.

\- I don't know... but I love you. Maybe in another life... - Freya said with a sad voice.

\- We would live in that house at the shore of the lake. - he said and hugged her.

\- There would be some wildflowers and few cows. - she laughed.

\- And strawberries. - Merlin added with a smile, then he stepped back a little, to look at her face. He kissed her. Kissed her like it was the last time he was able to do so... because probably he was right and it was his last chance to do so.

\- Goodbye Merlin... we will see each other again...- she said with the smile after she broke the kiss. She had to come back to Avalon.

\- How can you be so sure? - Merlin asked.

\- We always do... - she smiled... and in the next second, she was gone.


	3. Monster

Why problems always know where to find them?

This should be usual hunting trip.

Nothing more.

Yeah, sure.

That was in Merlin's mind when he was pulled by some thugs by the corridors of the old castle. They were captured and he could do nothing without revealing himself, but he will work this out. He always do. He looked to check on Arthur and Knights. They seemed to be fine. Gwaine looked like he could kill everybody with the blink of the eye. But he couldn't. Merlin could. He didn't even have to blink. They came to old throne room, where was sitting a man... he didn't look like somebody that Merlin expected. He thought about some Warlord or Slave master... but this man was, somebody else. He looked elegant, then Merlin noticed the staff. Ugh. Sorcerer, of course.

\- Ahh... Guests have arrived. - He said with the smile and rose up from the old, stone throne.

\- What do you want from me? - Arthur asked without second thought. It was always about him and his kingdom... he wanted money? His head?

\- From you Pendragon? Nothing at all... You two. Bring Emrys here. - He pointed at two thugs, who went to take Merlin, who became pale as a sheet. He swallowed slowly and he let them take him. The rest of thugs chained the knights and king to the wall.

\- From who? Merlin? What could... - Arthur asked with shock, looking at his manservant with worry.

\- Silence! Silentio! - the sorcerer cast the spell at king at the knights, they found themselves unable to say a word. Then, the man turned to Merlin with the sly smile.

\- Emrys... Great Emrys on his knees. - He laughed. Merlin looked at Arthur like he was trying to say that he says sorry, for whatever would happen now. He tried to use his magic, but then he felt terrible pain on his hands.

\- Don't try your tricks Emrys... This handcuffs won't allow you. - Sorcerer said with the smile. - But where are my manners? I'm Castylius, it's is a pleasure to meet you, Emrys.

\- Then all pleasure is yours. - Merlin murmured under his nose. That made sorcerer smile.

\- I should ask you why are you protecting this Pendragon's scum... but that won't matter after I will be done with you. - He said with the smile.

\- And what is that? - Merlin asked.

\- You know how it is to be born with magic, don't you? - Castylius asked and turned away from him, Merlin didn't give him an answer, but he looked at Arthur, who couldn't say a word. He was trying to free himself, but when he heard that phrase, he froze and looked at this man... a person that he thought he was his friend but was he?

\- When everybody around hates your very being, tell you how evil magic is...when you start to think that you are a monster. - Sorcerer was speaking and preparing something at the same time, but Merlin couldn't see what. Merlin knew this very well... sometimes, he still thought that he is a monster. He was afraid of his powers, what could he do. He tried to find the final line of his abilities, something that he couldn't do... but he couldn't find it.

\- What is the point? - Merlin asked, without revealing his feelings on this subject.

\- That I will make you a true monster. - The man turned his face to look at Merlin, his smile was disturbing. - There is no possibility, to convince people that Magic isn't evil. Uther's purge changed people's mind... so... I will show them, how evil it can be.

Melin felt disgusted, hearing this. People like him destroy everything that he tried to build. Everything. Using magic in such abusive way. Magic should be used to good, to heal, to protect. Not for evil. He felt ill.

\- This is the blood of the Fomorroh... you know what it is, don't you? - Castylius showed a small bottle of black liquid. Merlin was trying to use his magic, but as hard he tried that more pain he felt. He knew that nothing good will came of this. He knew how Lamia was created in the first place.

\- I don't know what will happen when I will mix blood of the great Emrys with this... but I can't wait to see it. - Goddess, this man was so twisted. Merlin tried to say something, but then one of the thugs made him stand and hold him.

\- Don't fight Emrys... soon it will be done. - Castylius took a knife and cut Merlin's neck, slowly... care to not cut the main veins. Merlin hissed with pain, then this sorcerer started to pour the black blood into Merlin's wound.

Merlin felt so strange... so numb. Like his mind was flying away, he tried to fight with that feeling, but it was so strong. Evil ideas started to show up in his mind, how he could use his great powers. No, NO! NO!. He had to fight with this. He knew that the fell to the floor, but he didn't feel it. Everything was so blurred...

Arthur had so many thoughts on his mind, that he couldn't focus on one. Merlin has magic, or this sorcerer is mad and only says that way... but no. That look in Merlin's eyes. He exactly knew what that sorcerer was talking about. How could he lie to him like this?! Why did he choose such dark art?! He was clumsy cheerfull Merlin, not sorcerer. Born with magic?! That was impossible. Merlin feeling like a monster? But Merlin was like a puppy. But then Castylius revealed his plan, Arthur didn't know what was that black thing, but it didn't seem good. He wanted to break up, to help Merlin. He wasn't sure why. He wanted to protect his kingdom from this "monster" that Merlin will become? Or he wanted to save his friend?! HE WANTED TO SCREAM, but he couldn't. King looked at his knights, some of them were confused, Gwaine was angry as hell...

Then Merlin fell to the ground.

Arthur was looking at him, he didn't know what could happen next.

And he especially didn't expect something like this.

Out from nowhere, Woman with a dress made like for princess, very beautiful woman, showed up.

\- YOU LITTLE... - She stopped herself from cursing. She just waved her hand and her eyes became amber... then Castylius was pushed with great force to the wall.

Crack.

Neck broken.

Dead.

Thugs attacked her.

Crack.

Necks are broken.

She looked around and she noticed Camelotian boys. She waved her hand again and muttered a spell. Chains fell to the ground and they felt that they could talk again. Without a word, she ran to Merlin and she kneeled next to him.

\- Merlin! MERLIN! Woke up. Don't fall asleep! - She screamed. Arthur and the knights came closer, Arthur kneeled on the other side of Merlin.

\- Can you help him? - He didn't know who she was, but... maybe she could help. He didn't think clearly, too much at once. Freya looked at King, with teary eyes.

\- Only he can save himself, he must fight with this. - She answered with a sad voice, she looked again at Merlin.

\- My love... fight with this. - She said. Arthur was shocked... they loved each other? How much didn't he know about his manservant?

\- I must be dying if I can see you again... - Merlin said with weak voice. He tried to open his eyes, but he couldn't on the longer time than few seconds, it was so strong, his whole mind wanted to fly away, go to sleep, just give up to this darkness.

\- No, you are not dying. - Freya assured him and touched his cheek. - Not dying, do you understand? I don't allow you. Fight with this. - few tears fall from her eyes.

\- Well.. even if I survive this, this prat will execute me... - he murmured, Freya looked at Arthur with the face "say something and if you say something wrong I will kill you".

\- I'm not going to kill you Merlin, who would clean my socks? - Arthur tried to say something that he could say if this situation was normal. But it wasn't. Merlin wanted to smile, but it was so hard. King looked at him, still didn't know what should be thinking, he looked at the knights, who were standing in the circle around them. They looked at Merlin with sympathy... Arthur took a breath, Merlin had to live, because he couldn't be angry and argue with the dead man, right?

\- You are prat... - Merlin said. - Freya... how...? - he tried to look at her again, but he wanted to sleep so badly.

\- That doesn't matter right now. Fight with this Merlin. For both of us. - She took his hand and put it on her cheek, helping him to touch her again, that he could be sure that she is real. - You made me feel loved when I was a monster... I can't allow you to become one. - She whispered.

\- You weren't a mons... - he tied to answer, but he failed at the end, his lips didn't want to work with him.

\- Let me disagree with you. - She had a sad smile on her lips.

\- You were the poor innocent girl with terrible burden and curse. - Merlin found some strength to answer her. Arthur was just looking at them, listening to their conversation.

\- You will survive this, Merlin. - She told him, holding his hand on her cheek.

\- Why? Because... Am I Emrys? - He asked, wanted to roll his eyes. Everything in his life was dictated by destiny, he was destiny puppet. If this was about this... then he felt that he want to give up. Sometimes he was so sick of this "destiny thing".

\- No... Because you are Merlin. - She answered with a smile. - The boy who made me smile when I thought that was impossible. Think about strawberries... you know, you have to give me one. - Freya laughed, but it was a sad laugh. She was trying to convince Merlin to fight with this poison in his veins.

\- I stole that dress for you, you made me a thief. - Merlin smiled dreamily, remembering when he had stolen that dress from Morgana.

\- I did not! - Freya answered with pretended indignation.

\- Well... for you, I could steal the whole castle.

\- Probably with your powers, you could do it... but you have to fight with this. You can't miss Arthur's face, when he will see, that whole castle is gone, right? - that was one thing that he had to do, fight. He can do it. Freya was sure of this. Merlin didn't give an answer, Freya griped stronger his hand.

\- Wake up, you idiot. - Arthur said, looking at him with worry. He was scared, so scared... he didn't want Merlin to die, or worse. He didn't know what could happen to him, but it didn't sound good. Merlin only chuckled.

\- Think about the life we could have. When we were planning to run away from Camelot... quiet place, with mountains, fields, wildflowers... - She kept saying something, talking to him. She didn't know what else she could do, but she was here for reason... to save him.

\- Would you be my wife? - Merlin asked with a pale smile.

\- Of course! We would already have few children! - Freya laughed.

\- I... I hope they would have your ears. - Merlin answered with a weak voice, making everybody smile. - If I won't have a chance to say this... I love you Freya... and Arthur... you are my best friend, sorry that I lied to you.

\- I know, I love you too Merlin.

\- Hold on Merlin...

...

...

Merlin passed out.

Everybody was looking at him.

Waiting.

What would happen next?

Then, Merlin's body bends unnaturally and all black blood started to pour out from his body.

Freya smiled and screamed with happiness. Then he said a spell, which burned all black blood.

\- Is he fine? - Gwaine asked.

\- Yeah... probably he is only tired. - Freya said with relief.

\- We need to move out from this place. - Leon said and everybody agreed with him.

They made a camp, during the journey to the Camelot. They rode and made camp in silence, Percival put Merlin on the blanket next to the Freya, she took his hand and twisted their fingers. She looked at his face with love and worry.

\- So... how did Merlin win the heart of such badass sorceress? - Gwaine asked, trying to break the silence and resolve some tension. Freya laughed, hearing this. Badass sorceress. She shook her head and looked at the knight.

\- I was brought to the Camelot to be executed. Merlin helped me. - Freya smiled. - Risked his life for me... I don't know when we fall in love. That was so quick. - she couldn't help herself, when she was telling about that, her smile became brighter.

\- So, Merlin helped you run away from dungeons? - Arthur asked, unsure. He didn't know what to think yet.

\- No. I was in the cage. Brought by bounty hunter. - She shook her head. Arthur had always hated this kind of people. They saw only money, nothing more. Many times they brought innocents, but his father was ruthless.

\- How did you find us? - Elyan asked with a raised brow. Nobody questioned her sudden appearance. Freya sighed.

\- I felt this... profane. Mixing Emrys's blood with the blood of such dark creature. It was like a heavy punch. I was pulled out from the Avalon, just to save him. - Lady of the Lake looked at Merlin with a sad smile and rubbed his cheek. For everyone with magic, such act was like a blow, they all felt it.

\- Merlin is so important? - Arthur asked, unbelieving. He made Freya laugh.

\- Is Merlin important... - she shook her head. - He is magic... and magic is the thing which holds the world in one piece. When he would be corrupted, all world would be. I'm scared to think what could happen... - It would be something that people would call the apocalypse. End of the world. Nobody could survive this. Because life was a magical gift. Everybody has a little piece of magic inside them... and they all would be corrupted, like Emrys.

\- He lied to us all this time. - Arthur accused.

\- Princess... are you forgetting that magic is banned in the Camelot? His existence is banned? - Gwaine asked, looking at his king and he started to doubt if he could really call him "his king" much longer.

\- Yes, he lied. And he hated that... but... shadow is consuming thing. You start lying and there is no end of this. You have to protect everyone. No matter the cost. When they look at you, they see you as bubbling idiot... it is easier. It's what you wanna be. Idiot, whose only problem is to polish armor properly... if they would know, that every day you are making decisions that affect the whole Albion... how would they look at you? They would be angry because you lied. They would be worried because you risk your life every day. They would be disappointed because you weren't honest with them. - Freya started her monologue and she didn't allow anybody to interrupt her. She had enough seeing Merlin is such poorly state. Dying inside. - So you continue lying. Because you know, that if they knew, you couldn't protect them. You sacrifice your own life for this... and one day, you realize... that you don't have your own life. All you have is them. - She finished, looking at her love of the life. Her poor Merlin, he was under such pressure. She wanted to help him as much as she could, but she... couldn't do much. She was separated from him for the most time. That speech made all knights shut up... all except one.

\- Are you the lady of the lake? - Percival asked. Freya looked at him with surprise. - I lived with druids for while, they told stories about tragic romance of the Emrys and the Lady of the Lake. - Percival explained.

\- Yes, I'm. And this is our tragic love story... Immortal Emrys and the dead lady of the lake. Separated by the sweet veil of death, which usually we can't cross. - Freya explained. - When Merlin will wake up... I will have to come back to Avalon. - Freya sighed.

\- You... are dead. - Arthur said with shock mixed with unsureness.  
\- Yes... I died by your blade. - Freya said with a neutral voice. - And Merlin forgave you that. Like many other things. - she shrugged.

\- Did you forgive me? - Arthur asked, he wasn't surprised that he was the one who killed her... he recognized her. Silence was his answer. Merlin started moving and waking up. Freya was watching him when he started to open his eyes.

\- Hello, my sleeping beauty. - Freya laughed and kissed him.

-... Goodbye, my love. - Merlin whispered with a sad voice, after the kiss. He knew that Freya will be gone soon.

\- Don't be sad, my love. I'm always with you. - that's was Freya's last words, before she disappeared. Merlin closed his eyes for few second, trying to remember how her sweet lips taste like, and then he looked at the knights... goddess. He didn't have strength for this now.


	4. Like papa loves mommy?

Arthur watched his daughter studies with a smile. She was born after all this mess in the past. Arthur wanted to create the world, where his daughter didn't have to be in a situation like he had to. Fighting with his own sister during dark times of evil magic. Now, times were different, he made sure of it. He was standing in the shadow of the library and listening, how Merlin was teaching his daughter basement of alchemy, she wanted to know basic things, at least that was what she was saying. Arthur thought that she wanted to spend more time with "uncle Merlin". Who was difficult to find somewhere else than the library, he had a nose in the books all the time.

Merlin.

This impossible man.

Few years in the past, who would think that Arthur's daughter would call him uncle, that Arthur would make him the most important person in the court. Who would believe in such things? But now it was reality. Arthur smiled, remembering times when Merlin was his servant. It seemed to be so long ago like it was in other life. But moments with him and his wife were lighting points in the dark times. He was brought back to earth from his mind when he heard the question of his daughter.

\- Uncle, can I ask you a question? - she asked. Merlin raised his brow, but on his lips was a kind smile.

\- Sure. What is on your mind, my dear? - He asked gently.

\- Do you love somebody? Like papa loves mommy? - She shocked them both. It was so easy to question, typical from the child, who could ask about everything. Merlin in love? In the old times, he couldn't imagine such thing, such woman who would want such clumsy and lazy man, but now, who knows? He was quite intrigued and wanted to know the answer.

After the first shock, Merlin smile changed, it was sad... it looked so unnatural to him. Arthur knew that Merlin had been through a lot, but seeing him sad was always strange. What was behind this?

\- I did... once. - he answered. - I still do... I suppose. - he added after a short while.

\- Have I auntie? - She asked with a smile, making Merlin snort with a sad laugh.

\- No... She's gone. - Merlin answered with a heavy voice.

\- Gone? Where? - Yvette asked with a smile, child was so innocent.

Arthur knew what was going on. He had so many questions on his mind. How? When? Who? If she had magic... No, Arthur didn't kill her. Merlin would tell him. Would hate him! So, she had to die in another way, no by his or his father hand. Maybe it was back in Ealdor? Nah... back then Merlin was such a grown-up child.

\- Somewhere where I can't follow her. - He didn't give her straight answer.

\- Will she come back? - Princess asked.

\- I don't know. - Merlin said and looked somewhere. Thinking about his Freya, his Lady of the Lake. Maybe there was a way to see her again, he couldn't admit to her, that he was madly looking for such way. Seeing everybody from the roundtable married was terrible to him. It was a horrible pain, knowing that such thing wasn't his destiny. He will be always separated from her.

\- I hope she will come back! When papa's knights' don't come back on time, he sends scouts... maybe you should do it too? - she proposed. Merlin smiled, but he said nothing.

\- It's high time to come back to your studies, My lady. - He said, changing the subject. Arthur left the library unnoticed, he thought about that what he learned. He needed to ask his wife about his, maybe she knew something more.

What kind of friend he was, if he didn't know about such important even in Merlin's life, like the death of his beloved?


	5. Random Story

When Arthur learned about Merlin's lost love, he was confused. Why has Merlin never told him? They are friends for the goddess's sake! Almost brothers! Bloody coin of destiny and more bullshits like this! Why he didn't know about this!

\- Merlin... we need to talk. - Arthur started, but he wasn't sure how to start the main subject. Merlin took away his eyes from the book and looked at the king and nodded, waiting for Arthur to say whatever he wanted to say. But King... was out of the words.

\- Soo... you wanted to talk, but you standing here like a princess waiting for an invitation to the party. - Merlin sighed and smiled, closing the book at the same time.

\- I overheard you. - Arthur started, making Merlin rise his brow. - Not intentionally, but yet...

\- Soo... what did you hear? - Merlin asked, unsure what should he expect.

\- Why did you never told me, that you were in love? - Arthur asked directly.

Merlin was in shock after this question. The memories came back. When he returned to the castle after Freya's death and Arthur was so proud of himself that he killed that beast. He made Merlin clean his sword from the blood. He was cleaning sword from the blood of his beloved, which belonged to her murderer. How should he suppose to tell Arthur about something like this? Freya... her wonderful smile, sweet taste of her lips, her laugh... Merlin shocked his head.

\- I thought that we are done with secrets after we talked about everything that you have done to Camelot. - Arthur continued and found a chair and sat down on the opposite side of the desk. Merlin looked at him and sighed.

\- I told you that I will skip some random stories, which wasn't important. - Merlin answered, making King shocked. Wait. WHAT? What was Merlin thinking?! Arthur couldn't believe what he heard at this moment. He looked at his court sorcerer amazed.

\- Death of your love was some... random story?! Like a random story about some monster we killed?! UNBELIEVABLE! - Arthur shouted, but Merlin was silent, he laughed bitterly when Arthur said about a random monster. When Arthur finished, Merlin only sighed.

\- For me... she was everything, the most important person in my life. - Merlin's smile was so sad. -... but that is what she was for you... random monster YOU killed. - he couldn't stop himself. If Arthur wanted to know the truth! Here it is. Uncomfortable, bitter truth. He was the murderer of beloved of his the best friend.

\- Wh...what? - Arthur didn't expect that he... didn't know what to think.

\- You heard me. You killed Freya. I don't blame you, she was cursed... but that is the truth. - Merlin shrugged.

Arthur was silent for a long time, they sat there in this strange atmosphere.

\- I'm sorry. - Arthur whispered, he didn't ask about the details, he didn't know if he was ready for this. Merlin didn't say anything and Arthur left.

They have never talked about this again.


	6. Faces left behind

Albion.

This single word was always in Merlin's mind, everything He'd done was for Albion and now, time of Albion came. It was ending of some chapter in his life, but nothing truly ends, right? A year passed from the battle at Camlann and he could finally say, that everything is alright. Time of peace and prosperity. They really did it. He caught himself that he missed that times. He didn't miss danger and fear, but there was something about that times. There was his the best and the worst days of his life. Few times he talked with Arthur about past events, remembering what passed. They survived a lot together. It was something to remember.

Now, he was sitting at the feast, on Arthur's side. He had a position on the court as sorcerer and advisor. It was hard in the beginning. All of this looks, new clothes, servants called him "Sire" although a year ago they saw him throwing dung from the stables... but he gets used to. He spent most of the time in his chamber, learning and working. He had few students, but it was hard to learn them something when they tried to impress him all the time.

He was alone, he had friends of course, but he didn't even look for a wife, although Gwen tried to find him, someone. He'd never answered and explained his reasons, only sighed and went back to work. Arthur had Gwen, Leon was married with Mithian, they met on a feast in Nemeth year ago, when Arthur's court was traveling by all kingdoms. Merlin will never forget how they realized that there is something between First Knight of Camelot and Princess of Nemeth. When he was coming back with Arthur, Gwen, and Knights to their chambers they overheard Leon's incompetent compliments. They had to refrain from snorting with laughter. Gwaine fell in love with barmaid from The Rising Sun... no one was surprised, really. And Percival finds love in one of the ladies from Camelot.

\- So Merlin... Have you found any cute sorceress? - Gwaine asked and smirked.

\- Not this again... - Merlin sighed, but then he felt someone hand on his arm.

\- Yes, he found a long time ago... - He heard familiar, sweet voice. He looked up and realized who was standing there. Freya. He was too shocked to say something, he wanted to say something, but he couldn't. Then, Freya just kissed him. Knights and The Royal Couple were in shock too. Who was this woman?! Merlin was kissing with a girl on their eyes! MERLIN AND THE GIRL! Well.. this is almost like a girl kissing a girl, Arthur thought.

\- Fr-Freya? What-t are you doing here? - Merlin asked he didn't know how it was possible. She was Lady of the lake, she died a long time ago... how it was possible? He looked at her with shock.

\- What am I doing here? You are joking, right? I'm going to finally meet your friends and spend the perfect night with my love. - She answered with a smile. Arthur asked one servant to add one chair to the table and prepare tableware for one more person. Merlin didn't know what he should say, he didn't understand.

\- So... Merlin, could you introduce us? - Gwen asked with a smile. Merlin cleared his throat.

\- Freya, this is Gwen and Arthur, Queen and King of Camelot. - Merlin started with a royal couple. - Arthur, Gwen... this is Freya. - after that he introduced her to the rest and servants prepared a place for Freya, she sat and looked at Merlin with a smile.

\- So... Merlin, when I said 'no more secrets' I really meant that. - Arthur said with a smile. He was not angry, but he didn't understand why Merlin kept in secret that he is in love with somebody. Merlin didn't know what he should say, so Freya decided to say something.

\- I was overworked last time, we didn't have time to meet... but I decided to show up today and make Merlin a surprise. - Freya giggled and looked at Merlin, who didn't know what to think. He didn't want to talk about her death around his friends and not knowing how she ended up here was burning him inside. Merlin was staring at her and remembering a time when she died. It was a long time ago, but he remembered every detail. She was wearing still the same dress that he stole from Morgana and he realized that she is barefooted, as he buried her.

\- Merlin! - Arthur shouted at him, bringing him back on earth.

\- What? - Warlock shook his head, Arthur only rolled his eyes.

\- So! How did you two meet? - Mithian asked with a smile on her lips.

\- O my... that was so much time ago. - Freya answered with a smile.

\- She needed my help... and I helped her. - Merlin shrugged, finally saying something. He looked at Freya with a little smile. He didn't help her... he failed her. He knew that, but his friends didn't need to know.

\- Can you be more specific? - Gwen gave them warm smile.

\- He made me feel loved when I thought I'm a monster. - Freya answered with a smile and looked at Merlin. It gave them more questions than answer, but before somebody asked again, Merlin answered.

\- You did the same, my love. - his voice almost break. He knew what it is like, to feel like a monster. When nobody can understand you when you are lonely. Arthur sighed hard, Merlin told him about times, when he started to believe that he is a monster, he didn't like that. But wait... if he met Freya then... he hid his girlfriend all this time?! He looked at his friend with shock, but then Merlin rose and looked at Freya.

\- Can I have a dance, My Lady? - He asked with a little smile.

\- I thought you didn't ask. - She answered and gave him her hand, he took her to parquet, where few couples were dancing to the slow music played by bards. His friends were watching them. They realized, that Freya didn't have any shoes, what looked quite weird. She wore a dress looking like it was made for a princess, but she didn't have shoes? Merlin was dealing with dance quite well, it had been a year since he was a member of the court, he had to learn few things. Merlin and Freya looked like they were in the different world, far far away from Camelot. They were focused on themselves. Arthur could swear that was the first time when he saw Merlin like this, in love. But why he didn't see that years ago? Freya couldn't be 'overworked' by all these years. When the bards' song ended, Merlin kissed Freya and then they returned to the table, they were talking with Merlin's friends, avoiding answering questions about their past, it became quite easy later when some of his friends drank too much wine. An hour before the feast ended, Freya and Merlin left. Merlin wanted answers, talk alone with Freya.

\- That was a wonderful evening. - Freya said with a smile when they were walking by the hall.

\- How? - Merlin stopped and looked at her.

\- You know that I'm dead, nothing changed that... but I had a chance to see you again, and I used it. - She answered and looked it his eyes. Merlin swallowed and nodded.

\- How much time do we have? - he asked, knowing that she would have to return to Avalon soon.

\- Till the Midnight.

Merlin snorted quietly. Like in all those fairy tales. It was very close to the midnight. He took her hands and looked deep into her eyes, there were so many things he wanted to say. That he loves her, and always will be. There will be no another woman in his life... so many things he wanted to say! But he knew that he didn't have time, so he kissed her. Kissed her like it could say her what he feels. Then she broke the kiss.

\- That was a wonderful night, my love. - She said and then... she just disappeared, leaving him with a broken heart again... but she was right. That night was wonderful and he would not replace her with any other. Seeing her again, her smile, opportunity to kiss her again, to dance with her was a blessing. Merlin stared at the place, where Freya was standing just a few seconds ago. Then he heard Arthur's voice.

\- Merlin? What are you doing here? - Arthur asked.

\- Where is Freya? - Gwen added and looked at her friend. Merlin wiped a tear from his cheek, he realized that he was crying. He didn't look at his friends, he couldn't.

\- She was never truly here... - Merlin whispered. - She died a long time ago.

Then, he went to his chambers, leaving his friends without a proper explanation. He heard Arthur's gasp and he was almost sure that Gwen wanted to ask him about it but he didn't want to talk about it, not now. That evening was wonderful, but it was too much for his heart.


	7. 4 times

**Post season 2**

Camelot could catch a breath for a while. The Great Dragon was no longer the danger for the country, they all are thinking that he is dead. But Merlin could not kill him, just could not. He almost killed Morgana, that was more than he could bear, he just... couldn't. Not always the Dragon and he were getting along. Both sides said many biting words to the other. They were kin now, Merlin could feel this.

He came at the Lake, it was wonderful at this part of the year. The golden and red leaves floating on the water closer to the coast and dark blue water in the center of the lake. And these mountains... these mountains. They could be happy there in the small hut under the hill and close to the lake. As they both dreams about it. But he has a destiny, that demanded sacrifices, but why he had to sacrifice people that he cared the most?

\- Hello Freya. - he spoke to the emptiness.

He looked at the lake like he would look at the grave. Because it was a grave for his lover in some way. He didn't know that day, how many people will be buried there, how many the closest people' ashes that lake will be ready to hold. At that moment, it was only Freya's grave. First and the Only woman he ever loved in this way as he loved her. She was perfect in every way. When she smiled, he couldn't think about anything. She was an angel... she didn't deserve her fate, she deserved much better.

\- It was a busy time in Camelot, you know? - he was talking to her like she could hear him.

He needed that, talk to her. Someone who could understand him. Merlin always could talk with Gaius about all problems, but this was not the same. He was like a father to him... regardless that he loses one father before he could truly get to know him. But at this moment he didn't need a father, he needed a partner. Someone who would listen to him, not judge, not even advice, just listen and be there for him.

\- So many things happened. I had to poison my friend, I became the dragonlord, Arthur is still a prat. - he laughed short at this last one. - Morgana, the Lady from I stole the dress for you. - he smiled at that memory. -... was an anchor to the curse. I had to save the Camelot, Arthur. I had to... no. I didn't have to. That was my choice.

He was arguing with himself at that moment. If he had a choice or no. There is always a choice, somebody told him once. But at that time, he didn't see any besides this one, still didn't see another way.

\- I almost murderer. It was so hard... but there was no other way. I'm telling that to myself, maybe one I would believe in that. - he snorted.

Lie repeated many times becomes truth, right?

\- But this is only beginning... I freed the Great Dragon. I hoped that he would fly away, enjoy the freedom or something like that... but no. He attacked Camelot, so many people died because of me. Because of my choice. - his voice was angry and depressed at once.

He looked at the trees close to the lake, he heard the wind between them, quiet hum. It supposed to be soothing, but it wasn't. Nothing could calm Merlin at this moment, too many things he had on this shoulders. Too many battles he must fight alone, and it was only the beginning of his journey. How will he handle this in the future?

\- I'm only peasant boy, servant. Why do I have to decide what is better, why do I have to decide about the lives of all the people of Camelot? I wanted a good thing, you know? - he was uncertain if Freya would think in the same way. She could see him as an evil person, an evil sorcerer.

\- Freeing the Dragon... I-I... I thought that he would fly away, honestly! He always believed in Camelot, in... not always but in me, in Arthur. I should suspect... but... I wanted to believe there is good inside him, that he wouldn't harm innocent. I was so wrong. I'm naive. - he bridled.

Arthur was in the training with knights now, he didn't need him for the evening. Merlin had time to spend with... the love of his life. Shame, that she is dead and she couldn't spend that time with him. Bitterness in his heart was unbearable, he had to do something with it, but he guessed that only time can heal that kind of wounds.

\- I know that you wouldn't answer me... You are dead. But... sometimes I think what it would look like, you know? What-if. If we run away from Camelot, live in some lovely place. If you weren't dead. I loved you! - he cried and knelt on his knees.

He felt so weak sometimes. Times like this. He could put down the mask of happy-boy and show that he is only human, that he can be in pain too. Is not invincible, indestructible. So weak. He felt like an old man now, and he knew that this is only starting. Morgana and her sister are still somewhere, Arthur is not a king yet. It is a long road before him, and he felt so weak now. He lost Freya, his father in so short time.

\- I'm sorry. I shouldn't shout at you. I... wanna you to know, that I think about the simplified world, where everything would be easy, and we could be together... I want so much that world to be real. But it can't. It is no fairytale. - he smiled sadly.

He stood up and brushed his knees. He looked at the lake, it was so calm... and silent. He smiled, and he turned back. He had to come back to the Camelot. His cursed destiny needed him, as always.

 **Post season 3**

Freya. He saw her reflection in the water from Avalon. She was beautiful, as he remembered her. "I moved on' said to himself many times. But when he saw her that day. He felt this again. Faster heartbeat, butterflies in the stomach... and the sad, guilt. That impossible mixture was unbearable. He couldn't touch her, that was only short talk, she wasn't even there... but that was enough for him to feel this again. He saw Gwen and Arthur, they finally showed more feeling to each other. Merlin was happy of them, but then he thought about him and Freya. Why couldn't he be happy like them? Maybe it was his destiny. Be alone. Freya was little light in his more and more darker world, and She was taken from him before they could really be happy. Maybe... Did she die because of him? He wanted to run away from Camelot with her, maybe she died because she wanted to pull away from him from his destiny? He didn't want to think about it... he felt only more guilty.

But he had the opportunity to saw her again. That was terrible and terrific in this same time... and he would give his life, to get that chance again.

Few days after he pushed the sword into a stone, where no one could wield it, as the dragon said, he came to the lake and sat on the rock. He started thinking about how Freya could talk to him by the water. If she was still alive in some way. Some twisted-magical-strange way. She pulled away from the sword from the bottom of the lake, right? Despite all his great powers, he couldn't understand that one thing. Maybe he didn't want to. He likes the idea of her being alive. Even in this strange way. He didn't want to analyze that. He preferred thinking that she is here somehow, and she is hearing everything that he says, even if she can't be answered.

\- It was good to saw you again. - he said with a smile he wanted to say something more, but...

\- Merlin, what are you doing here? - Merlin heard the familiar male voice, he turned around. Lancelot.

\- I co-could ask the same. - Merlin said.

\- Arthur was looking for you, Gaius told me you sneak away from the castle this morning... I thought you may have some trouble. - Knight answered without delay. Arthur said that Merlin have the free morning after the breakfast, that he will have work to do at noon. At that moment was still morning, maybe 10 o'clock or something like that. But this is Arthur, he easy changes his mind about Merlin's work. Lancelot as always wanted to help Merlin, that he hadn't to fight with his magic alone. Merlin was not especially careful about didn't leave any leads where he went, so Lancelot probably tracked him very quickly.

\- There is no trouble... no magical dangerous. You can go back to Camelot, tell Arthur I will be as soon as possible... that I'm picking up some herbs for Gaius. - Merlin said and turned his eyes to the Lake again. To the grave of his girlfriend and his father.

Lancelot was standing there still, he didn't know what to do honestly. There was something, but he was doubting that Merlin would lie to him about magic stuff.

\- You don't. So... what are you doing here? - he asked his friend and came close to him, Lancelot looked at the Lake too. It was a breathtaking view. Water like a crystal, white mountains covered in snow.

\- I came here to clean my mind. - Warlock replied, shrugging.

His voice was calm, other knights and Arthur may say that this kind of voice doesn't match for Merlin, but Lancelot knew him better than them. He knew how many battles Merlin fought alone, how many he sacrificed for his destiny. Lancelot buried his sword in the sand and sat next to Merlin.

\- What is this about? - he asked Lancelot didn't want to leave him alone, no matter what is bothering him.

\- You know the feeling, having 'what-if' - Merlin laughed short and sad. - This feeling, when are you watching Gwen and Arthur. - he looked at his friend with a serious face. Knight didn't know for a while what he supposed to say. Maybe they are friends, but Merlin is also Arthur's best friend (no matter that both sides wouldn't admit), so talking about his feelings to Gwen... was not easy. Before Lancelot said something, Merlin continued.

\- I just looked at them, and I'm thinking about my own life. I'm Emrys and that kind of staff, but also I have feelings, something that this prat, who was writing my destiny, completely forgot. - he was talking with a sad smile on his lips. - I just looked at them, and wondering why I and Freya didn't have a happy ending. - he sighed hard.

\- Freya? - Lancelot asked.

Merlin looked at him, realizing that Lancelot may know him better than the others, but even he doesn't know everything. Freya. About her know only Gaius, but Gaius know almost every part of Merlin's life, so that doesn't count.

\- The girl I met a few years ago. She was... special. - he replied.

Was? Lancelot thought but didn't ask, he was not nosy. If Merlin wants to tell him this story, he will tell.

\- I helped her escape from the cage, she was sold to Uther as "magical person". You know, someone to execute immediately. I was hiding her, I have stolen Arthur's food and Morgana's dress for her. - he smiled faintly to this memories.

\- Did you risk much, stealing? I didn't suspect you, Merlin. - Lancelot smiled, trying to not pulling his friend into the more depressed mood.

\- For her, I could steal all Camelot. Maybe with my powers, I could do that actually. - he answered.

Freya was... was. There is no word that could describe her, every word was too small. That was a short episode in his life, she didn't live long, but... it left a sign.

\- What did happened? - Lancelot asked carefully.

Merlin told his friend all story of his unhappy love. That Freya was cursed, why she was cursed, every meeting with her, all what he had done for her. First kiss. Strawberries. Bastet. That he had wanted to leave Camelot with her to someplace like this. With lake.

\- Did you want to abandon your destiny? - Lancelot asked with surprise. Merlin was loyal to Arthur like a dog, he finds hard to think that he could think about running away with some girl... but the power of love.

\- Arthur wanted to disclaim his right to the throne for Gwen. - he replied, watching the lake.

Arthur was ready to abandon his destiny for Gwen, just like this. Gwen was in danger, he just cried to his father, that he didn't want to be king if he can't be with Gwen. It was that simple for him, maybe because he didn't know the burden of destiny, but he was ready to act against it, just for the girl, why Merlin had to be so much different?

\- Sometimes I think that I'm not destined to be happy - Merlin sighed hard.

\- I know this feeling. - Lancelot answered with a weak smile on his lips.

They looked at each other, and sitting there for a while in silence, after that they had to come back to Camelot.

 **Past season 4**

Again, he came to the lake. Last time, when he was here... he buried Lancelot here. He deserved a good funeral, even if in Camelot he was called a traitor. They didn't know the truth, Merlin didn't know how to tell Arthur about it without revealing himself. He was thinking about that, but he couldn't with Agravaine in Camelot, he would tell Morgana, without doubt, and Lancelot wouldn't want that Merlin risked for him. Merlin knew that. He was the bravest and the noblest of them all really.

So this time He had two ghosts in this bloody lake of Avalon. This lake was changing into a cemetery for his friends. Was prove that Great Emrys is not so Great, that even he could not save everyone, even he tried so hard to do so.

\- Hi Freya... Lancelot. - he started with a sad smile and sat on the coat.

It was a cold day, and being around water didn't make things better, but Merlin didn't care about this at this time. He just wanted to spend some time with his friends who understand him, who knew him. Even if they are dead, he felt free here.

\- I wanted to tell Arthur you know? To tell about my Magic. I don't want to hide longer... but he is thinking that magic killed his father if he knew that the Dragoon was me... - he breaks, and put a hand on his mouth, trying to calm himself and don't cry. Yeah, he wanted to cry about his fucking fate... or destiny. Whatever. Sometimes it was just too much for him. Just too much for one man.

\- He would think I betrayed him. Another betrayal in his life. - Merlin continued, but after this words, he went silent like he was waiting for some answer, but he knew that nobody could answer him. He looked at the place, where Lancelot was sitting with him some time ago, he smiled a little, but after second, he became sad again. He was broken, that is the truth. Mighty Emrys was so destroyed.

-... even if he could accept that, Morgana is still somewhere, she is still in danger, and she can't know. - He added after while.

\- Sometimes I think when this end? All my destiny. From years I'm hearing about great Albion, wait for the Golden Age... and every time, every year I feel like I'm further from this, and further. Arthur hates magic after what happened to Uther... I let you Lancelot die. I fucked up. - he said to the emptiness of the lake. Still, no answer. Dead people don't answer, he should know that.

\- I want this all to end. Arthur to be happy king in a safe kingdom, with his lovely wife. Golden Age. Magic Free... I just must kill Morgana, her death can make this. I know that I'm destined to kill her, and I will do it. I will always feel like I failed her, but she is my mistake, and I must repair that. Even if that means her death. This means her death. I don't have anything to say. Fucking Destiny. - he threw what lay in his heart, he sighed hard. Probably now Kilgarrah should show up, and started talking his riddles about Emrys and Once and Future King, about great Albion, have faith, blah blah blah...

\- I want so badly met with you two, to see you again. - He sighed.

-... but probably that never gonna happen. Emrys is Immortal. Yeah? - He murmured. This is so wrong, why he had to suffer so much, and even he can die to get some peace? He looked at the lake, and he stood up.

\- Goodbye. I will come soon, I guess. - He said quickly. He felt like the longer he is talking the much he wanted to fell apart, so he returned to Camelot, to become happy, stupid King's servant.

 **Past season 5**

It was it.

All of the story.

Arthur was dead. His role was done, he failed. He should kill Mordred when He had a chance. Change the destiny. But no. He created it. He created Morgana and Mordred. It was all his fault. His story was finished. Now, he has to wait for Arthur, goddess knows how long. He wanted to reunite with his friends, dead friends. Freya, Lancelot, Elyan, Arthur... with people who have already died, and with those who will die. Gaius feels worse last times, he is old. He was old when Merlin came to Camelot! He will be not able to make his duties. Gwen proposed him the role. Merlin, as court sorcerer and physician. Nah. It is not gonna happen. He can't replace Gaius. He will never be as good as Gaius is. He even didn't want to be Court Sorcerer, because it was meaningless without Arthur. What was the point of creating Albion, if they could live in it? He felt... that he is no longer fitting to this world. He is just too old to be happy. After visiting Crystal Cave, he knows his true potential, and this was not something that he likes. He is living avatar of magic, he was not even human, just magic who thought that he is human, but if it was true, why does he still feel pain?

\- Hey, my Dear. - He said when he was walking by the edge of the Lake. - My dear Lady of the Lake. - he laughed, but it was laughter full of despair.

\- I'm going to leave Camelot. I know, that you Arthur wouldn't support it... but now it is finally safe. My role is done, and I don't fit there anymore. Like I was not fitting in Ealdor. - he said, walking by the lake.

\- The Great Dragon is Dead, 'Thusy decided to look if there are other dragons somewhere in the world. - Merlin sighed hard. - Gwen is... pregnant, you know? She will born Arthur's heir. That is good I guess. But I found out, that... I no longer care. I should care, but I don't.

The truth was painful, He really no longer cares about individuals, he looks at the world from a bigger perspective. Sometimes one person can change history, but not everyone. Many people live, die and are forgotten. Arthur will be remembered for thousands of years, but nobody will remember somebody like Sophia, random Arthur's enemy who was destroyed because she was standing against them, she was already forgotten. But in this story were people, who will be remembered by human history.

\- We created a great story, which will be remembered by many. I guess it was a really good story. - Merlin said, looking at the lake, and still walking. - There was friendship.

 _They were going against Dorocha. They both were thinking that they are going to die. Arthur wanted to sacrifice himself, and Merlin knew that he can't allow that. Knights were sleeping, only Arthur and Merlin were awake, and they were looking at the fire in silence, finally, Arthur broke it._

 _\- All the things I've faced...I never worried about dying. - Arthur whispered._

 _\- I don't think you should now. - Merlin's answer was automatic and made Arthur surprised._

 _\- Sometimes you puzzle me. - He said after a while, he didn't know what he should say. Merlin was... strange sometimes. Wise... Nah, it was not a good word to describe Merlin, but sometimes he really seemed to be wise._

 _\- You never fathomed me out?_

 _\- No. - Arthur answered without hesitation and looked again at the fire._

 _\- I always thought if things had been different, we'd've been good friends._

 _Arthur only murmured 'yeah'._

 _\- That's if you hadn't been such an arrogant, pompous, dollop-head. - Merlin said and smiled, none of them was in the mood to laugh, but it was something good. Light in the darkness, good memories, when they were insulting each other, now they are going to die. Arthur chuckled._

 _\- That is what you have to remember, things never turn out like you expect... - Merlin hesitated, and looked at Arthur. - You will see - and turn his look at the fire. There was silence between them, Arthur was waiting for what Merlin wanted to say, and Merlin couldn't find good words._

 _\- We will defeat the Dorocha. We will. Together._

 _\- I appreciate that. - Arthur didn't know what else he could say. It was this weird moment where Merlin was so wise and hopeful. Then, Arthur turned and took something from his personal things. He took the small purse, and pull out something from it. It was sigil._

 _\- It belonged to my mother. - he said. - This is her sigil. - he explained and He rubbed it. - Here, take it. - He handed it to Merlin. Warlock took it and looked at it with doubt, then he looked at Arthur._

 _\- Arthur, I can't. - he started, but Arthur interrupted him._

 _\- Just... take it. - Arthur looked into his eyes. Merlin couldn't say no. Not at this moment, even if he thought that he can't accept this gift... he was going to die today anyway, Arthur will retake it from his body._

\- There were Betrayal and vengeful antagonists. - he said next.

 _Uther was standing in his cell. He was no longer King, his own ward, his own daughter droned him, made friends with the enemy. He looked via a small window in his cell, he saw the yard, where Morgana's people were building gallows. Then, he heard someone in the dungeons, he looked in corridor direction and then he saw Morgana._

 _\- What have you become - he said with numb voice._

 _\- It is unfortunate, but this is the way that Monarch must deal with his enemies. - Morgana said, looking at the wall, but then he looked at her father. - It is what you taught me, father. - she raised her bow._

 _\- I blame Morgause's magic, she corrupted you. - he couldn't believe that his Morgana could do such a thing._

 _\- Once again how wrong you are. - She said, shaking her head. - Morgause saved me. Made me feel like I wasn't a monster. I didn't choose my gifts like I didn't choose my father. - She hissed. - Yes, Magic made me who I'm, but so did you, Uther Pendragon. - she came closer to him, looking into his eyes, he stepped back._

 _\- Truth hurts, doesn't it? - she asked._

 _\- Kill me. End my misery - Uther was already broken._

 _\- No. - Morgana answered with certain in her voice. - I want you to live long enough to see Arthur's death by my hand. - she smirked and then she left her father alone in the cell, leaving him for his own thoughts._

-... some love story. - next thing that Merlin said, looking at the lake, he sighed hard, when he remembered him and Freya. They didn't have a long time, but he never loved once more. She was the only one.

- _You remembered. - she whispered, looking at the lake and mountains._

 _\- Of course. I'm so sorry for what that sorcerer did to you. - He couldn't stop his tears, he couldn't save her, he tried, but he couldn't. The wound was too deep, and he was rubbish at healing spells._

 _\- Merlin, you have nothing to be sorry for. - she smiled with last strength._

 _\- There must be something I can do, some way to save you. - he looked at her body in Morgana's dress. Freya was still bleeding, he tried to stop this, but there was nothing that he could do._

 _\- You've already saved me. You made me feel loved. - She whispered with a smile, looking into his blue eyes with love and pain._

 _\- I don't want you to go. - Merlin answered with desperation._

 _\- One day, Merlin, I will repay you. I promise. - She promised and later... she was gone._

He stopped at some point of his walk and sighed again.

\- That was a good story. - he said. - In the end... we are the only story. - he added, and then he left the lakeside, he left Camelot... he left everything.

 _In my simplified world,_  
 _We're a boy and a girl,_  
 _In my house on the hill_  
 _There is room for you still_

* * *

In AO3 I posted this as a story, but here I put it whole at once. I kinda count this as reveal to Lancelot. xd

Story was inspired by song Phidel - Beside you.

Two scenes at end are from cut scenes from the show and one is from 2.09.

See ya :P


	8. A 1000 Times

He woke up quite late, as always, the sun had been on the sky for a while. It was a wonderful summer day. Merlin knew that nobody wanted to wake him before he sleeps well, he worked hard by last few days. It was a time of peace, but that didn't mean that there was nothing to do! He wore up to his clothes, not forgetting about neckerchief to cover his scar from Nimueh's fireball. He left his room and came to the table, where his lovely wife put him some breakfast. She was the most wonderful woman He had ever seen his all life. He smiled and came close to her before.

\- Good Morning my love. - Melin said simply and kissed gently his wife.

\- Mornin' I hope you slept well. - Freya answered, but she didn't get the answer, Merlin only kissed her again, as if this was his answer. He had never slept better. He sat in front of the table and started eating.

\- Where is Myrddin? - he asked, and raised his brow

\- By the lake... probably He is trying cast some spells, you know how much he is trying to impress you. - Freya replied after she had a drunk sip of her tea. Merlin only smiled. He knew that. His son always tried to be the best, better than his father even. It was impossible, but He was stubborn, like his father. Freya sat in front of him, on another side of the table, and looked at him with happiness and love. Merlin loved her look, he loved her. It was so perfect, he didn't believe that finally, he gets some peace.

\- I eat and will go to him. Maybe I will try to teach him something new. - Merlin said and looked by the window. He saw his boy, trying something. Merlin was not sure which spell he was trying to cast.

\- And after that, you are going to Camelot? - She asked, looking at him.

\- Yeah, You know... prat can't do anything without me. - Merlin said with a smile.

\- I'm happy that you two still get along, after all of this. - She claims.

Melin nodded. They went through hell. Morgana, Agravaine, Mordred... all of this. All these years of fighting. Now it was finally over. Time of Albion began. Golden Age of Kingdom of Once and Future King. Arthur knew about him, Merlin was court warlock. The old and New world was united, and everybody lives in happiness. There were a few conflicts here and there, but it was nothing.

\- You should come with me, Gwen told me last time that she misses you. - Merlin answered.

\- Not today, I must visit my... not completely ex-druid camp, they wanted to apologize me. I will take Myrddin, don't worry. - Freya said. She knew why they banished her, she didn't have any regret about that, but they wanted to do it.

\- It is good, isn't it? - Merlin was unsure.

\- Yeah, I guess so. I miss them honestly. - Freya replied - If everything will go well, next time you are coming with me. - She added and smiled.

Meeting her camp, people who knew her since she was a child. This is like meeting a girlfriend's parents, but Merlin will not run away from that, he knew that already, he didn't have to ask about it. He gave up before he even started talking about it. He finished his breakfast and kissed Freya in her forehead, and he left his home and looked at the view on the mountain. It was quite far but was visible from here. Wildflowers were flourished, in the background the saw a couple of cows... and his son was sitting in front of the big, sapphire lake. Merlin came to him and crouched next to his six years old boy.

\- What are you doing? - Merlin asked with a little smile.

\- I'm trying to create light... but it is not working! - he shouted. Merlin smiled a bit, he looked at him and he saw himself when he started to practice magic. Not everything worked, but he was trying as long as he finally cast it. But then, there was Arthur's life on the stake probably.

\- You must focus, breath slowly. - Merlin knew that his son was angry that his spell didn't work. Merlin put his hand on his son barks, helping him to calm his mind and soul. - Yeah... like this. Now. Feel magic around you and inside you. And when you feel this connection... say what you want.

His son was quiet for a while, he was trying to do everything that his father was saying. He wanted so badly made him proud.

\- Leoht - boy whispered, his eyes became amber and in his hand showed up a ball of light.

\- You did it. - Merlin said with proud in his voice. It was not hard to spell, but he was proud of his son. He is dealing better with spells than Merlin in his age, that was for sure. Merlin looked at Freya, who left the house and was looking at him and Myrddin. Merlin took his son into his hands, he was trying to run away, he was too old to that! But Merlin didn't give him a chance. Freya laughed at that view.

\- See you later, my love. - Freya said with a smile...

...

...

...

\- Merlin! MERLIN! Wake up, we must moving. - Arthur yelled at him.

Merlin only murmured. They were on the mission, sleeping in the middle of the forest. There was no small cottage at the lake, no Freya, and Myrddin, no family, no happy ending. He had that dream a thousand times, that Freya was alive, that she was his... but it was only a dream, sweet dream that can't be the truth. He stood up and helped to strike camp.

\- Merlin, mate, are you ok? - Gwaine asked, seeing that Merlin is paler than always.

\- Yeah... everything is fine. - he answered automatically.

No, there was nothing fine. But they can't know that. They will never find out, this is how things must be. There will be no happy ending for him, he was aware of that. No home by the lake, no lovely wife, and stubborn son. It was not for him.

 _I had a dream that you were mine_  
 _I've had that dream a thousand times_  
 _A thousand times, a thousand times_  
 _I've had that dream a thousand times_

\- Hamilton Leithauser + Rostam - A 1000 Times

* * *

Inspired by song above. Hush hush, I know this is not reveal, but hush. XDDD This is the last story about Freya and Merlin from Ao3 that I have xD


	9. Secret love, my escape

Freya didn't expect that she will return to this world. Merlin's magic bound her to the lake of Avalon. It wasn't the best way, but she had a chance to see Merlin once again. When one day Elder of Shide had told her that she is going to return to the world of the living, she was shocked... but Merlin was shocked more when he'd seen her. It was like a blessing for him, in all of this misery he had in life, he regained the love of his life.

Freya started to working as Queen's maid a few days ago. Everybody was in shock when they realized that Merlin had a secret lover! Mostly Knights and King. Gwen wasn't surprised so much, she always knew that Merlin is a romantic soul, but the rest of them saw him as a boy or even a girl like Arthur was saying always. Everybody asked many questions but they always avoided the answers. It was complicated, hard to explain without using words like 'magic' 'curse' 'magic a lot of powerful magic' and so on.

It was late afternoon, Merlin was polishing king's armor and Arthur, Gwen, and Freya were in Royal Couple's chamber. King was reading the letters from lords with their matters and Gwen had a bath, Freya was washing her hair.

\- So... Freya, how did you and Merlin meet? I know that you are avoiding answers, but you can trust me... you know. - Gwen whispered, but Arthur heard that anyway. Freya sighed and looked in King's direction and then at Queen.

\- It's quite a long story and... sad one. It would be a waste of beautiful evening to tell such a story, my lady. - Freya answered, washing Queen's hair. Now, they both, Arthur and Gwen, was interested.

\- I don't think it is that bad. - Gwen said and looked at her maid with a warm smile.

\- No... it's worse. - Freya smiled in the answer. - But... if you want to, my lady... I could tell you. Merlin says that will be easier if I learn to tell about it. - Freya sighed again, all the time she was washing queen's hair. Gwen nodded, suggesting her to start. Arthur looked at Freya too. He wondered about the beginnings of their relationship. Merlin never seemed to be in love, how he could miss it? And Freya... well... she was beautiful. Of course in his opinion, Gwen was the most wonderful woman in the world, but he couldn't deny that Freya was lovely too. How Merlin managed to win her heart? She could have even a knight. He saw how knights were looking at her before they learn that she is Merlin's love.

\- Well... I should start long before I and Merlin met. - Freya started. - I lived in Deorham, King Alined's kingdom... in small fisher village. It was a beautiful place. Surrounded by high mountains, with beautiful lake, wildflowers... - Freya's voice was dreadful. She was trying to remember only good from that place.

\- Sounds wonderful. - Gwen said with a little smile.

\- It was... but then slave hunters came. King Alined didn't care about them, we send after knights many times, but it was pointless. - She sighed. - Ravenshore, that's village where I lived and villages around lived in fear. But village leader from Ravenshore managed to make a deal with Slave Hunters. We were saved but there were... many conditions. - Freya rolled her eyes. Arthur felt how wrong this was, that village leader had to make a deal with slave hunters, because King didn't interfere. He left them alone.

\- Our village became base for them. It was in a good place, on the crossroads... - Freya explained. - One day... I went to after my father's fish. It was evening, I should do that sooner, but I forgot. I met one of this slave hunters. He was drunk... - Freya stopped and shook her head. It was harder than she suspected. Gwen looked at her with comfort in her eyes and gave her a little smile.

\- I... understand, you don't have to... - Gwen whispered.

\- I... didn't want to... kill him. I just wanted him to let me go. I just pushed him. - Freya continued, feeling that her eyes are wet. - He lost balance and fell into the wooden block... broke the skull. - Freya rubbed her cheeks. She was a powerful lady of the lake of Avalon, but when she was telling that story, she was again a young scared girl.

\- You were defending yourself... - Arthur said, trying to comfort her. That knave didn't deserve to live if he attacked the young girl and wanted to rape her. Freya shook her head and looked at Arthur.

\- My family was killed because of this. When... when his... friends, learned about it. - Tears went down after her pale face. - And mother of this thug... started telling me that It was my fault, that I'm a monster, that I like killing... I started to believe in that. That I'm a monster. - She whispered and wiped her tears. It wasn't a lie... but it wasn't true. She just skipped curse, what would make the history even worse. Arthur looked at her with compassion in his eyes. She was so young, then she had to be even younger, but already she was so broken. She learned how the world is a place of unjust He wonders if something like this happened in Camelot. That some village had to choose protection of thugs because... He felt sick if he only thought that way.

\- I'm sorry Freya... - Gwen said, feeling guilty that she started this subject. Freya was silent for a while, but then she started telling the story again.

\- I had to left the village. I was traveling... without purpose. I was broken. I was a monster. - She was telling, but then Gwen interrupted her.

\- You are not a monster, and you weren't. - Gwen looked at her, making Freya smile a bit.

\- Thank you, my lady. - She nodded.

\- Then... I met Merlin. - Her smile became bigger, she started remembering their meeting, how scared, fearful she was. How he risked for her. Gwen and Arthur smiled, hearing the change in her voice, it wasn't sad anymore. In the same time, Freya finished washing Queen's hair and Gwen left the tube, Freya was helping her with the towel.

\- I was in Camelot before... for short while. - She said she was quite sure that Arthur didn't remember her. - I was scared of everybody and I was sick... dying. - she shrugged. Her curse was some kind of disease, a disease of the soul. Gwen dressed in the nightdress, she didn't need help like Arthur.

\- I wasn't the most... sociable person in the world, but... he helped me, even if I didn't want his help. He didn't leave me when I told him the truth. He understood me... and accepted me. Even when I told him that I'm a monster, that he can be in danger because of me... he didn't leave me. He made me feel loved... - she answered with a wide smile. He was the most grateful for that. They couldn't know that she died that day, that Merlin was carrying her to the lake, that she had died in his arms.

\- I loved him but... I broke his heart then... I was too scared that he will die because of me. I wasn't an easy person. - She sighed with guilt. Arthur looked at Freya with surprise in his eyes. How he couldn't see when Merlin was heartbroken.

\- But... well. Merlin is stubborn. That would be all story.. - She said and looked at the queen, who... eee... hugged her? She was surprised, she didn't know what to do, after a while, she hugged her too. Then Merlin entered the chamber, he had to help Freya with bathtub, but then he looked at Freya at Gwen's arms, and then at Arthur, then again at Freya. His love came to him and he looked into her eyes.

\- Were you crying? - He asked with care and rubbed her cheeks and hugged her, looking at Gwen and Arthur. - What did I miss? - Merlin asked.

\- Nothing... I just... told them our story. - Freya answered.

\- Oh... - He stroked her hair, he guessed that she didn't tell them true story, but... probably it had some true elements what hurt, even after all of this time. He kissed Freya's head and smiled.

Gwen came closer to Arthur and they both looked at Freya and Merlin, wondering how much they had been brought. Arthur realized, that he probably didn't know anything about his manservant, but... maybe Merlin didn't want to talk about his heartbreak, because it was too painful? Now he realized how Merlin won Freya's heart, he was the most caring person he ever met, he was good for Freya because she didn't need a brave knight, she needs somebody to comfort her. She needed Merlin and Merlin needed her.

* * *

I have found another one xD But I guess this is the last XD

And I corrected mistakes in my other two one-shots that are already on my account xD


	10. Safety

\- Sire! I couldn't hold her... - Sir Leon said, trying to stop young woman entering the chamber of the royal couple. The intruder was shaky, she was looking around.

\- What?! Who are you?! - Arthur asked with shock, but before the girl managed to answer, he heard the voice of his manservant.

\- Freya?! What are you doing here? - Merlin entered the chamber with a plate with Arthur's meal, but he put it on the closest cupboard when he'd seen Freya. The girl came closer to him and hugged him and started to cry.

\- Freya... what's wrong? - Merlin ignored Leon's and Arthur's questioning looks, he was more concerned about his love.

\- Hen... Henry... - she started, but then Merlin took a step back and looked into her wet eyes.

\- Where is Henry? - he asked and gulped.

\- He is with Gaius... Morgana... found us. She... - Freya didn't manage to finish because Merlin took her hand and pulled her out of the chamber and they start running in the direction of court physician's chambers. Arthur rose from his chair and went after them, he was quite shocked and he didn't understand anything. Sir Leon was with him... if this woman would tell him that she is looking for Merlin, he would even help her, but he could understand that she was in a panic or something. They entered Gaius's chambers and Merlin asked directly.

\- How is he? - his voice was panicked and full of anger at the same time. Leon and Arthur saw a young boy lying on Merlin's bed. He was shirtless and Gaius was tending his wounds.

\- He will live and he will be alright, but there will be a scar. When I finish, he would need to rest for at least a few days. - Gaius said and put a wet gauze on boy's wound. Merlin realized that Freya didn't enter his room, she was standing in the main chamber, this room wasn't big enough to put there so many people and she understood that Merlin would need to see Henry and the king and his first knight entered there before she could.

Merlin pushed Arthur out of his way and he went to Freya.

HE PUSHED ARTHUR.

King was so shocked that he didn't react.

\- Freya. What happened. - He hissed, he wasn't angry at her, but he needed to release this anger in some way.

\- Will he be alright? - She asked, sobbing.

Then Merlin realized that she was shaking, he sighed and he murmured sorry under his nose and hugged her.

\- He will be good, he needs to rest. - Merlin answered, repeating Gaius's words. She relaxed a little, but she was still shaking. Merlin stepped back a little and looked at Freya. - Please, tell me what happened. - He asked again and helped her to sit down on the hair. He put a blanket on her arms.

\- M...Morgana found us... she wanted to take us as prisoners. - She answered after a while. Mentioning the witch caught Arthur's and Leon's attention even more.

\- Henry stood against her... you know how much he wants to impress you. - Freya added after a while, those words made Merlin smile sadly.

\- Could anybody explain to us what is going on? - Arthur asked without patience but Merlin ignored him, he sat next to Freya.

\- She attacked him... she wanted to kill him! But when she was distracted... I managed to take Henry and run away here. - She started to shaking again, remembering all of this what happened before. Merlin hugged her again and put his chin on her head.

\- Shh... You are safe now. You and Henry are safe. - Merlin whispered. - You will be safe. I promise you this. I won't abandon you again. - he said with sureness in his voice. That confess made Freya look at him with widely open eyes.

\- You can't... - she whispered.

\- Yes, I can. When Henry will be in better condition, we are going to leave Camelot, together. - He answered.

\- WHAT?! - he heard Arthur screaming, but again, he ignored him.

\- You can't Merlin! That is what Morgana wants! - They started to argue, don't care about the public.

\- MY SON ALMOST DIED TODAY! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT I CAN'T BE THERE TO PROTECT HIM! - Merlin raised his voice, Henry and Freya were in danger because of him! He just couldn't leave them, when Morgana knew that he has a weak spot.

Arthur was stoned he looked at Leon, who was shocked as much as he.

That boy was Merlin's son?!

\- BUT MORGANA WANTS TO DRIVE YOU AWAY FROM CAMELOT, YOU KNOW THAT! - Freya answered if Morgana will conquer the Camelot, there won't be a place where they could be safe and Merlin knew it!

\- YOU TWO CAN'T LIVE IN CAMELOT, YOU CAN'T LIVE ALONE OUTSIDE CAMELOT TOO. DO YOU SEE ANY OTHER WAY? BECAUSE I DON'T! - They were shouting at each other.

Arthur wanted to interrupt, but he was kinda... scared, no that wasn't a good word to describe it, but it seemed to be like marriage argue that he shouldn't be even listening... wait. If that boy was his servant's son, that woman was his wife?! Merlin had a family?! In secret?! Why?! Why his family couldn't live in Camelot?!

\- YOU ARE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN STOP MORGANA FROM RETAKING CAMELOT, AND IF SHE WILL BE QUEEN AGAIN, THERE WON'T BE A PLACE WHERE WE COULD BE SAFE AT ALL, YOU KNOW IT!

Merlin wanted to answer something, but then he heard a weak boyish voice.

\- Dad, mom... - he heard Henry said. They stopped this argue for now and they went to their son. Freya sat next to her baby and Merlin knelt on the floor.

\- I'm sorry... I wanted to make you proud. - he whispered, looking at Merlin.

\- I know, I'm always proud of you... I'm the one who should say sorry, I shouldn't put both of you at the danger. Morgana is after me, not you. - Merlin answered and took his boy's hand.

\- We are a family Merlin. - Freya reminded him.

\- Yeah, I still don't know why I married you. - Merlin tried to joke, to release some tension. Freya smiled and punched him between ribs.

\- Because you love me. - She answered with a smile.

\- More than anything. - He whispered. - That's why we are going to leave Camelot at dawn. - he decided.

\- Merlin! Henry is in no condition to travel tomorrow. - Gaius interrupted.

\- I won't take any chances that something more will happen to him! - Merlin raised his voice again. Freya and Henry weren't safe in Camelot. Merlin learned how to live in shadows, how to lie and adapting to the brutal reality, where he would be beheaded if his the best friend know the truth. He just left the chambers and went somewhere to clear his mind. Freya looked at shocked King and his first knight, then she looked at her son, who was again unconscious.

* * *

Yeah, this is going to be two-shot, don't worry :p


	11. Safety 2

Arthur didn't know what to do. He wasn't even sure if all of this was real.

Merlin had wife and child! In secret! He hadn't told him!

This boy was around 6 years old!

How?! When?! I mean.. he knew how, but...!

Merlin stormed out of the room, leaving only silence. Freya was looking at her son with worry and love. Arthur didn't know what he should say, what he should feel. He was just looking at doors, where he saw his servant before he left.

\- The only thing that Merlin loves equally as he loves Camelot it is his family. We both know that. But how Morgana learned about it? - Freya asked with a soft voice, rubbing her son's face.

\- I don't know my dear... But Merlin is right in one thing, you aren't safe alone. - Gaius answered. Freya sighed hard.

\- I will be more careful. - her voice was strong, confident.

\- This is not about your carefulness. Morgana is powerful and you know that...

\- So what?! I should leave with Merlin? What about Camelot?! - Freya interrupted with outraged voice.

\- No.. but you know. - Gaius looked at Arthur, who was still in the room. Freya gulped, realizing that he didn't go after Merlin, that he was still here and was listening to their talk. She was glad that she didn't say anything about her husband's magic.

\- Why... why do you and Merlin believe that you can't live in Camelot together? - Arthur answered after a long while. He felt hurt that Merlin didn't trust him with knowledge about his family, why did this idiot believe that his family wouldn't be welcome in Camelot in the first place?!

\- Because we can't. - Freya answered simply. - Please... convince Merlin to stay in Camelot. - She added.

\- I don't understand, why do you can't stay here? Camelot can provide you safety from Morgana... Why do you insist that Merlin should stay in Camelot in the first place? - Not that Arthur didn't want him in his kingdom, but this woman was his wife and she clearly loved him, why did she prefer her husband to stay in a castle?

\- Because without Merlin, Camelot would fell a long time ago. - She sneered. - How many times I had to patch him after he protected your life... poisoned, wounded, cursed, sick... - Freya shook her head gently, trying to push away pictures of her husband wounded.

\- What?! - He and Leon shouted at the same time.

\- Are you really that stupid? What about the first immortal army? Do you really think that Morgana destroyed the skeletons? Or the second one mysteriously vanished? - Freya believed in Merlin's destiny but it didn't change that Arthur could be a little more help with it! - Tavern?! REALLY?! My husband doesn't even drink! - Freya raised her voice, she couldn't control her anger. Arthur maybe was Once and Future King, but Merlin was her love, she was worried about him. He may be an Emrys, but for her first was her husband, father of her child.

Freya's outburst shocked Arthur and his first knight. If he was confused before, now his mind was in complete mess. Merlin, defender of Camelot in secret?! That was a ridiculous idea! This idiot had two left hands! Yeah, he was incredibly loyal and stupid enough, but... no no... that wasn't right.

The tavern? Gaius always said that Merlin was...

He looked at the old man, who was pretending to take care of Henry, but he did everything that there could be done.

\- Gaius... is this true? - He asked with a sharp voice.

\- One day you will learn how much they sacrificed for you. - Gaius quoted quietly his own words and sighed, the cat was out the bag now. Freya destroyed the rest of Merlin's secrets, well. almost all. - Go, talk to him... he is on the west tower, he goes there often when he needs some space. - Gaius answered.

This is going to be a long talk.

* * *

I think that this is good point to end this story. The talk between Arthur and Merlin will be quite obvious.


	12. With all my heart 2

They were sitting at the camp in silence. Merlin was lost in his own thoughts, in his own world full of Freya's wonderful smile. Seeing her again was the most wonderful and the most terrible thing that ever happened to him. It was so good to kiss her again, to see her smile again, but knowing that they can't be together, that being happily ever after was not for them... it hurts.

\- Why haven't you ever tell me? - Arthur asked with a quiet voice. He started creating many various scenarios where he apparently killed his best friend's love. He had so many questions, but... he had to start with the one, right?

Merlin looked at him and after few seconds, he sighed.

\- Because you would chop my head off. - Merlin smiled, but it was a sad smile. Arthur wasn't buying this answer, Merlin sighed and answered again. - Because I didn't blame you. And even then I knew you good enough to know that you would blame yourself. - Warlock answered truthfully. He wasn't afraid of accusation of treason. He was a walking, breathing treason.

Arthur looked at Gwen like he wanted to check if he heard Merlin correctly, then he looked at his friend.

\- I killed the love of your life... and that was what worried you? - Arthur couldn't believe.

\- She was a danger to the Camelot, as she said... she was cursed. You were protecting your people. You did what you had to. - Merlin shrugged and looked somewhere far away.

Curse... curse... Gwen and Arthur still didn't know what that meant, what kind of curse?

\- And what about you and your feelings? - Gwen asked, making Merlin chuckle.

\- Since when are they important? - he couldn't stop himself. He regretted that in the same second that this words left his mouths, but he couldn't bite his tongue, it was already too late.

\- What do you mean since when?! - Arthur seemed to be angry that Merlin thinks so little about himself. Maybe it was his fault, that whole talking about being an idiot? But it couldn't be it... Merlin was an idiot, he was a prat... that wasn't insulting... that was just their thing.

\- It doesn't matter Arthur. My life worth less than yours. This is how always been, is and always will be. - Merlin shrugged, he should bite off his tongue for saying those things but he was too tired, too distracted by Freya, even if she was not here.

Arthur froze, hearing those words that he heard from his father so many years ago. That wasn't true! Without Merlin he would be lost a long time ago, there wouldn't be any Camelot... even if Arthur had a hard time to admit that.

\- Merlin, that's not true. - Gwen started but Merlin interrupted her.

\- Besides... thinking about Freya in every different category that a Monster that should be killed was treason. I couldn't even mourn properly, because if somebody would learn I would be killed. - Merlin sighed, changing the direction of this conversation.

\- Nevermind. You know now... You two should rest, we should return to Camelot as soon as possible. - Merlin decided that he didn't want to talk any more about this, he rose up and went to collect some wood.

But Arthur promised himself that this was not the end of this talk.


End file.
